Drumroll Please...

Dear Ones:

I did it! I opened an Etsy shop!

It is called Cre8tive Charm

For now it only has knitted items and as soon as I get some more jewelry supplies I will add items to my hand stamped jewelry section. I am chomping at the bit to cre8 for you!

Let me know what you think.

On a more personal note please keep praying for me. You know the verse "hope deferred makes the heart sick." Well I am in a heart sick pit right now. Please stand in the gap for me.

Blessings!

By A Thread...

Dear Ones:

That is how I FEEL this week. Like I am hanging on by a thread of hope. Do I BELIVE God is big and He can do anything. Absolutely 100% with out a doubt. I just don't know how he intends to do something BIG. You see I would love for it to be these girls are ours forever. That would be my idea of BIG. I honestly feel if these precious girls leave our home I will feel the grief of losing a child. I know healing the broken hearts our family would feel if that is the situation would certainly be BIG! Does God intent to heal birth mom and restore things that way? That certainly would be BIG! I just do not know. I know my flesh repels the thoughts of the latter two. Not the most spiritual way to think I know but I am just being transparent here.

Last Friday we started our 2 hour visitation and it went just like we thought it would. Baby girl screamed. Nothing was different. We talked with our case worker to see if 2 hours was really necessary since nothing changed. They brought her out to us 4 times to calm her down and then as soon as she was calm they would send her back in. The case worker seems to think we need to continue. My husband told her then we would not stay for the visit to be a human pacifier. He said we would be back to rescue her but he did not like what it said to baby girl that we would repeatedly send her back in there. Each time she came out it took longer and longer to settle her down. The case worker also said for us to work it out for Baby girl to come hungry so birth mom could feed her and bond with her. This is where my flesh gets really ugly. I hate that thought! She has never fed her or cared for her needs and I am selfish with this. I am really having a hard time surrendering this. I do not even know how to explain it.

I still really am having such a hard time. So I ask that you continue to pray for our family. I feel like a spiritual weakling right now because my flesh just feels so BIG right now.

blessings!

My Heart Just Sank...

Dear Ones:

I really really need you to pray for me right now. I just found out from our case worker that visitation is changing. You see we go every week and Baby girl literally screams her head off the entire hour. The case workers seem to think the problem is the complete and utter chaos in the room from all the other siblings so they have decided to change visitation for 2 hours so baby can visit alone with Mom for the first hour and then Big sister can visit with all the other siblings and Mom for the second hour and maintain a bond with everyone.

Needless to say I am not at all in a good space right now. I can't stop crying. I HATE this process!!!!!!!! I HATE the enormous risk we are taking!!!!!!! I am in so deep now though, I completely love these girls and I am really afraid I may have to trust God for an outcome I can hardly bare the thought of. If one more person tells me "well if they do leave at least you loved them and gave them a good start." I think I will lose it!

Visitation is literally the worst part of my week. Now for it to be 2 hours means I have to spend the first hour wrestling with Big Sister which is no easy task to say the least. She has made progress but still is extremely challenging.

Please pray...

I'm Considering...

Dear Ones:

I can not believe I am about to post this. I guess I would like to know what you guys think (I think) I am nervous. Let me give you some background as to why. You see I have been a stay at home Mom for the past almost 14 years. I would not trade that for anything in the world. I view that as a MAJOR blessing and gift. It has been my passion and still is. I also have wondered though what else there was to me. What else I had to offer. Not that I felt there is lack in being a Mom because nothing could be further from the truth. I know society can look down on that position and I find that very sad. I also know that life changes. Kids grow up. It at times was a very difficult struggle for me to think when I am at that point, then what????

You see I have no education past high school. No special training. I often times felt I had no special talents or skills. So what is a girl to do when you are done wiping bums etc. etc. ?

Well to explain my nervousness a bit further when we started our adoption process I thought I can earn some money from home to help with expenses but still be here with my kiddos. All I needed was to find the perfect opportunity. So the quest and trial and error began. I tried so many things to make a buck: Coastal Vacations, photomax, Send Out Cards, Disciples Cross, Mary Kay. All with HUGE failure or LITTLE success. I really felt worthless and plain stupid to be honest. How did I time and time again fall for the hype? I so badly wanted to be good at something. It was a big blow to my self esteem.

Since then I have discovered new and true passions. I LOVE photography and learning is such a pleasure. I have also started knitting on looms since my son bought me looms for my birthday and have to say I am quite proud of myself. Finally, I started making personalized hand stamped silver jewelry. These are things I genuinely enjoy. So here is my consideration. I am considering opening an etsy shop to sell my crafts. I think the difference here, compared to everything else I tried before is I will do these things (Photography, knitting, jewelry) whether I make a single cent or not. The cool thing is, people are paying me to take photos for them which is amazing! One person ordered a bracelet from me which was tons of fun! There just is nothing better then to actually be paid for doing something you LOVE!

So I risk asking you what do you think? Should I go for it?

Bracelet I made for a friend of mine. Her daughters nicknames.

I made this for myself because Baby Girl is our little "Hootie"

A phrase that brings me much comfort on our adoption journey.

Love this hat!

Hat and Cocoon set

First hat I made for Baby Girl

Blessings!

More Blessings...

Dear Ones:

I just wanted to share some more blessings that have come our way recently. The first picture is from an online buddy. I never cease to be amazed at how My Heavenly Father has brought me support through this blog. He has brought people who understand and can relate to exactly where we are in life and that is a beautiful gift. My new friend sent my girls some new threads and they are so cute. Thank you so much!

Second, was another fun day in the mail from my mother in law who sent Baby Girl some stuff to be winterized. It helps meet a need so much and my colors too woo hoo!

Finally, was a gift from my friend and stylist. An adorable book for some adorable sisters.

I am so thankful to everyone who has been so generous with us.

Blessings!

Chomping At The Bit

Dear Ones:

There is a contest that I am just chomping at the bit to win. There is an amazing photographer and her work is so what I would like to be able to emulate. When I see what she has done I just drool all over the place. SIMPLY AMAZING. This is the type of artist I want to be someday. She is giving away her photo workshop workbook on her blog. I have longed for these workbooks for such a long time but with 6 kiddos it just is not at the top of the list of things to purchase when it comes to the budget, so I have all my toes and fingers crossed hoping to WIN! This blog post is one of my entries. Go to her site and check it out, Just click the link below:

SOULOGRAPHER

Good News

Dear Ones:

The doctor called today and the heart murmur was a flow murmur which will not require any more medical action. INSIGNIFICANT Praise Jesus! Thank you for praying!