2 Years and Counting

Dear Ones:

I am just a ball of emotion today. I am sure it doesn't help that it is "that time of the month." I apologize if I have any male readers but it is what it is. Today marks 2 years since we started on our journey to find our daughter. I really thought having a placement would help things to feel closer. I just feel like the emotional ante has gone up. Now I have something very precious that I could possibly lose. Something that my state is working towards returning to her biological family. I know people probably get sick of reading about my stress. I get sick of it for Pete's sake, but this blog is an outlet for me and there have been some treasures the Lord has brought my way from it. I have connected to people I have never met that UNDERSTAND! I need that compassion. I NEED those prayers!

I never would have thought 2 years ago I would be where I am. I never wanted to be a foster parent. I want to be an adoptive parent. I want to introduce the world to MY FOREVER DAUGHTER. Trying to hold on to someone with an open hand is sooooooo incredibly difficult. How do you not give your entire heart to a precious child? It is such great risk. I honestly do not understand my adoption story one single bit. I am jealous of those who have had a different story. I am ashamed that I am so selfish.

When we finally got the call about a placement I told the Lord, "I do not know if I have learned my trust lesson yet." Well I see now that it is far from over. 

To our faithful supporters, I do not have the words to describe your value. Thank you for standing with us ( esp. during the not fun times), crying with us, praying without ceasing for us, celebrating with us, & hoping with us. One day I sincerely hope that this blog will be full of pictures and memories I am longing to share of our complete family.

I am sorry our hearts are so fragile. I am sorry our need for support has been so long and great. I ask that you stay the course with us. I honestly don't know if we lose this precious girl if we will be able to go on. So please pray for strength. I don't want to fail. I hope next year will be a different story and different emotions... I hope to see and hear from you then.

Love and thanks!

Cinco de Mama

No Double Duty

Dear Ones:

Well as it turns out we will not be doing respite care. The Foster Mom found someone else to care for baby boy that is closer to her. As far as baby girl is concerned she is doing so well. She is up to 7 pounds 3 ounces now. She was so confused with her nights and days but the last 3 nights have gone so well. Last night she actually had a 7 hour chunk of sleep, woke up and ate, and then slept another 4 hours. How fantastic is that? We are all soaking her in like a sponge. She is FANTASTIC!

Blessings!

Week 25 Photo Challenge: “Wedding Bells”

Dear Ones Here is my entry for this weeks I heart faces contest:

"Be sure to head on over to www.iheartfaces.com to check out all of the beautiful face entries this week!")

Cinco de Mama Is Born

Dear Ones:

Cinco de Mama is born. This is a two fold meaning. First it is the new name of my blog. With baby girl here I am the proud mother of 5 and I want to celebrate it.

It also has to do with something else wonderful in my life. Today I had my first paid photography gig. It was so much fun and a wonderful learning experience. I hope it is one of many in my future. I have decided to call my photography business Cinco de Mama Photography.

blessings!

Conflicted Emotions

Dear Ones:

So many factors have kept me from my blog lately. First and foremost has been the care of baby girl. She keeps me on my toes to say the least and I love every minute of it. Taking care of a preemie is so involved. Second, has just been the vast array of emotions I have been feeling. One minute, I am flooded with so much gratitude that she is here. Then next I feel like this is harder than waiting for a call in some ways. Now I have something to lose and that is an incredibly hard struggle for me.

The first visitation was interesting. Mom showed up too intoxicated to be allowed to visit. Dad was very sweet with her which I did not expect to witness. I have visitations scheduled for every Wednesday. Today was cancelled due to the fact that birth parents did not confirm. I can not say that makes me sad :)

Tomorrow her worker will be coming to the house to visit her. Please pray for that if you do not mind.

I so wish I could share pictures on the blog but I can not post online. She is soooooooooooo beautiful!

So far a relative has not come forward to petition for custody. Our states number one goal is return home, then relative placement and lastly an adoption plan. If it comes to that it is at least a year or so process.

I would very much appreciate your continued prayers for our family.

Blessings!

Week 24 Photo Challenge: “Let's Hear It For The Boys!”

Dear Ones:

Well this has got to be the week for me. If there is one thing I've got it is boys! One wonderful husband and four awesome sons! Fathers Day yesterday was the perfect day to capture some wonderful moments with all my boys! Enjoy!

"Be sure to head on over to www.iheartfaces.com to check out all of the beautiful face

 entries this week!")

Blessings!

Hearing Update

Dear Ones:

I just got off the phone with CPS. As of right now baby girl will remain in our care. I have her first visitation with birth parents on Wednesday. They also told us there is a possible relative who may want the baby so we will see. For now she is with us so we will take it one day at a time. Thank you for praying. Please continue to pray for us. As happy as we are that she is still here we still live with the constant insecurity if she will stay. Being with her is FANTASTIC but the thought and real possibility of losing her is HORRIBLE.